porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
this is an emotional support booty call
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
