dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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