just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
