Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize