Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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