Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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