my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
