He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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