she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
