We won't sleep together?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
