so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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