Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
