Can Purell be used as lube?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
