It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize