i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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