I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
