I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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