I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
