I must be too annoying 4 u.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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