you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize