TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Randomize