instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
