Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
zippers are such a cool invention
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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