ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
