that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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