you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
