I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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