he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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