you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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