He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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