FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
