can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
now i know why i became what i already was.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
