I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize