You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
