I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
