If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
