im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
