I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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