my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
