You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
