yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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