I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
