the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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