Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
