if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
