i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
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