I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
