Pappa wants mamma naked
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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