Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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