this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
