Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
false alarm, still single
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
