fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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