So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
