you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
