my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
