my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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