I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
