I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
