Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
