He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
