Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
