I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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