We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
