she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
