do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
