Me too!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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