the condom got lost in my hair
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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