They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How many fucks given?
0.12846
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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