Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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