I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
