everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I could fuck to npr.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
