Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
