Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
