he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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