so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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