you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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