No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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