Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
