i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
