God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
