At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Barsexuality is the new black.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
