did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
