if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
