There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
